Saturday, July 31, 2010

Smile

"A smile, even if it is fake, can get you out of a tough situation." -Sai(Naruto)

Nagtaka lang ako. May mga tao kasing hindi naniniwala sakin kapag kinakamusta nila ako at sasabihin ko na "hindi ok." Madalas daw kasi pag nakikita nila ko, nakangiti, parang walang problema at masaya. Ganon din ba nakikita niyo? Siguro. Hindi ko rin alam bakit nga ba palangiti ako. Minsan ata masama din yung ganon. Ewan ko lang ah. Ewan ko.

Minsan masama daw. Pero para sakin minsan nakakabuti rin. Palangiti nga ako, pero hindi ibig sabihin nuon masaya ako. Minsan kailangan para hindi mag-isip ang mga taong nag-aalala sa'yo. Minsan kailangan para hindi isipin ng isang tao na nasaktan ka niya kahit sobra yung nagawa niya sa'yo. At minsan, kailangan para walang magbago.

I usually use fake smiles. Alam ng mga taong nakakakilala sakin yan. Fake smile sa chat, fake smile sa text at kahit pa sa tunay na buhay. Pero sa ngayon, naisip ko lang. Ang pag-ngiti, fake man o totoo, sinadya man o hindi, ay magiging isang bagay na kakampi mo sa buhay mo para itago o ilabas ang isang bagay na nararamdaman mo. May mga pagkaktaon kasi na mas nakakabuti ang fake sa totoo. At mas nakakabuti ang totoo sa fake.

Learn to smile. Real. And even fake.

"A smile is the easiest way out of a difficult situation." -Sakura(Naruto)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Chances

Thursday night, he is planning to tell her everything. To prevent her for being confused and feel awkward to him. He isn’t planning things like speech or what because he wants all those words to come from his heart. Instead, he thinks of everything that may happen once he tell her the way he feels. Suddenly, one of his friends texted him, then called him that night. “Hey, you have a big problem. Go online, some haters want some trouble.” He then immediately went to the nearest computer shop and saw what his friend is talking about. A group of low-profiled insecure students uploaded a video in a network, the file contains a video where the students are cursing him like hell and telling him all the fuckiest words you could imagine. The said students blocked all the professors and some students who belong to his class in viewing the video but to their mistake, they forgot one, the friend who called him. After watching, he immediately called a head of a brotherhood closed to him for some advise and help, the guy he called told him that they can “return the favor” but he must first think of the after effects and risks. Some friends gave him good advice and there is even one who spent the night with him to discuss his worries.

Way midnight when she texted him, telling him she fell asleep early and asking for some apology. He asked her if she could come tomorrow because he wants to talk to her. She said okay then decided to call it a day. The next morning, he attended class while waiting for her text to come, time passed and his classes ended. He then decided to settle things about the said students first. Then a text message came telling him that that she forgot about the pact between them and asking if he can wait a little bit longer because she is far from the university and will still have to go to another far place. He said he can, since he already decided not to go home to the province, he maybe also don’t want his confession to pass the weekend. “I can wait even until midnight, but if it means forcing you to come so late at night, then I’ll be the one to go where you are.” “But I’m with my friends.” She told him. The conversation lasted long.
He: I guess I’m really unlucky.
She: No you’re not. It’s all my fault.
He: Maybe the right time isn’t now.
She: What do you mean?
He: Nothing.
She: Are you mad at me?
He: Do you think I can stand to be mad at you?
She: Seriously?
He: Yea.
She: How about, a little wounded by my unkindness?
He: Well, I don’t have the right to be wounded. First and foremost, I know I’m not your priority. I don’t have a choice but to accept your decision.

With that, she didn’t reply. He doesn’t know the reason. He just decided to study in the library and meet another friend and teach the friend some things that may help. Around twilight when he and his friend decided to eat. As they are walking around the university. He saw her. She saw him. She’s accompanied by co-ed friends. “Why?” he told himself. “I told her that I will wait. In whatever reason she has, don’t I deserve to be told that she is inside the university where I waited for her the whole day?” He got his friend’s attention, pointed her, then managed to walkout immediately while the two are waving at each other. The friend followed him, comforted him and made ways to calm him down. Even after all that, he can’t get mad at her. Yes he feels bad but he can’t shout his feelings out. They ate, she then texted her reason. But his mind is empty for any decision. After his friend found a way to calm him, he told his friend. “Maybe it’s really not the right time. Maybe not now. Or maybe it’s too late. Now I only think of one thing.” Then the friend asked, “What is it?” “If I just didn’t made several mistakes from the past, then maybe, just maybe, a different person is in your front right now. Now I finally realized, that I hate what I’ve become.”