Chances 2

You stopped me. Turned around. Walked away. Left.

I wasn’t able to tell you everything, even anything, because you told me that you’re too scared to hear it. I don’t know what should I react that moment but one thing is for sure, I did my part. I don’t think that putting my emotions here in my blog will do me any good. It’s just that, I wasn’t able to say it, that’s why I follow my blog’s title.

I’m sorry. You told me that you always feel awkward whenever you’re with me. It’s my fault. I was careless. You’re feeling it, because I’m doing things for you to feel something, and I’m doing such things because of what I feel. I don’t know if everything returned to me in a rush, but I know that it won’t leave that way. I decided to talk to you that night, but I’m not looking for a positive feedback. I just know that I’ll forever regret it if I don’t say something, something that will release the burden I carry. Too bad you stopped me.

Many things have changed since the first day you talked to me. Since the day you approached me while I was standing outside the Chemistry Laboratory, until the night you chose to leave a scar in my heart. A scar that will never be heal. A pain that I don’t think time can take away. A feeling, that was 3 years in the making. I used to break people’s hearts, but in you, it is my heart that turned into pieces. Now, there will be no another CHANCE.

I’m not hypocrite to tell you that you and I are fine. I’m serious. So please stop waving every time you see me. Stop smiling whenever our eyes met. And when you do, that will be the sign that you’ve read this post. I want to be true to myself. Call it bitterness if it is the right term. I just can’t stand how you leave like I’m not even someone you know at all. But still, I want to thank you. I know I’m already strong, but you made me even stronger. And I know I will need it. I need it for the people who trust and love me. For the people who know they can hurt me, but won’t try to. For the people who will not leave me, in the time I need them the most. And for the one who is picking up, or will pick up the pieces.

P.S. Happy Birthday.

LadyFlorence Permanently Logged Out

Dear Flyff,

It's been almost 5 years since the first day we met. 5 years since I saw you in the back of the computer shop. 5 years since my friends introduced us.

If someone would have told me then, what would become of us, I'm not sure I would have believed them. I barely remembered your name.

Then I started seeing you around the neighborhood and watching you on computer. I used to see you with guys down at the shop. But when my bestfriend started paying more attention to you, I started to wonder. Maybe you were different.

We hung out a few times. The more I got to know you, the more I liked you. And as life would have it, when I finally got really interested in you, when I was finally ready to get serious, you left me. And that hacking incident was the worst.

I was crushed. I was hurt. I think I even cried.

Then I wanted you more than ever. So I sat down. I hustled. I worked on my game. Killing. Hunting. Piercing. Upgrading. I killed monsters. I did top-ups.I studied you. I began to fall in love and you noticed.

At the time, I wasn't sure exactly what was going on. But now I know. LadyFlorence was teaching me how to love you, how to listen to you, how to understand you, how to respect you and how to appreciate you.

Since then, you've become much more than just a past time to me. You've become more than just a character. More than just an armor. More than just a pair of weapons. More than just a game.

In some respects, you've become my life. My passion. My motivation. My inspiration.

You've my biggest fan and my harshest critic. You're my dearest friend and my strongest ally. You're my most challenging teacher and my most endearing student. You're my ultimate guildmate and my toughest competitor. You're my reason why I traveled Manila.

So much has changed since the first day we met, and to a large degree, I have you to thank. So if you haven't heard me say it before, let me say it now for the world to hear. Thank you. Thank you, Flyff.
Thank you for everything.

Thank you for all the players who came before me. Thank you for all the players who went into battle with me. Thank you for the crowns and the medal. Thank you for the Dragon Colliseum Guild War and the Special Events. Thank you for the last hits, the victories and the defeats. Thank you for making me earn my keep. Thank you for the prizes. Thank you for AllStarOutCast, TooYoungToFighT and UnitedAlliance. Thank you for the "BladeInShiningArmor" and the nickname.
Thank you for the 67845 PVP damage. Thank you for the Heroes' Clash. Thank you for the will and the determination, the heart and the soul, the pride and the courage. Thank you for the competitive spirits and the competition to challenge it. Thank you for the failures and the setbacks, the blessings and the compliments. Thank you for the DCGW obstacles. Thank you for
MenThoz, Jayup12 and •bHaLoTsKii•. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for the game masters, the forum moderators, and the customer support team. Thank you for egypt, nAnYeR, 2Much2HandLe, DARKNESS, jury, SAiNT11, bumblebee0529, Am3thyst, rebelkai, LordGabe, ZoLdycK, VanDiTs, fOr÷EveR÷YounG and babyBEN999666. Thank you for the WrathOnFire and the BonFireRoyalty, the LOYALISTA and the CERTIFIED. Thank you for RenegadesX, KingsAscension, Vikingz and Elites. Thank you for the LionHeart .
Thank you for the believers and the doubters. Thank you for DarthVader´ and ShufflePath.
Thank you for the MVP award and the experience. Thank you for teaching me the game behind, beneath, within, above and around.. the game game. Thank you for every fan who has ever called my name, put their hands together for me and my teammates, vended a cheer message or flooded the enemy during a game. Thank you for everything you've given me.
Thank you for the weapons and the armor sets, and last but not least, thank you for LadyFlorence.

I know I'm not the only one who loves you. I know you have loved many before me and will love many after me. But, I also know what we had was unique. It was special. So as our relationship changes yet again, as all relationships do, one thing is for sure.

Though I sold my possession for a hundred and fifthy thousand, it wasn't enough to uncover all the memories we had.

I love you, Flyff. I love everything about you and I always will. My playing days in the Shade are definitely over, but our relationship will never end.

Much Love and Respect,

Rhenz

Dear ---,

Dear ---,

alam mo ba? hindi normal para sakin ang magpost ng ganito sa blog ko? pero hindi ko alam. bakit pilit mo akong binigyan ng dahilan para ipost ito. ayokong nakikialam ng buhay ng ibang tao, ng sa ganon ay wala ring makikialam ng sa akin. hindo ko alam kung anong "cool" bakit hindi mo maalis ang masamang habbit na ito sa buhay mo. alam mo na naman na gusto ko na nang tahimik na buhay. bakit ganyan ka?

hindi ko ipinost ang blog na ito para siraan ka o ano, sa katanuyan niyan, wala akong pakialam kung mababasa mo ito o hindi. ang sakin lang, masama ang loob ko. at isa ito sa mga paraan para mabawasan ang "muhi" na nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. sa totoo lang, tapatan na. hindi ka dapat nakikialam sa kung ano mang relasyon meron kami ni, alam mo na. bakit? hindi ba halata? wala kang alam sa pag-handle ng isang relasyon at wala ka ring alam sa kung ano man ang mga nararamdaman ng mga tao na may karanasan dito. oo, maaari kang magpayo at makinig, pero hanggang dun ka na lang. dahil sa ibang lugar napupunta ang pakikialam mo sa buhay ng ibang tao na minsan, nagdudulot ng masama.

masama ako, oo? minsan? hindi? alam ko may mga pagkakataong nagiging masama ako. yan ang tingin sa akin ng mga nakararaming tao. pero dahil mas marami nga naman ang hindi ko kakilala, masama nga ba ako? alam ko nasa listahan ako ng mga taong kinasasamaan mo, pero sasabihin ko sa'yo, sa mga chismis na sinasabi mo tunkol sa akin(o samin), sa palagay mo sinong nagmumukhang masama sa mata ng kausap mo? kami? o ikaw? sa ginagawa mo, galit ako sa'yo. galit na galit ako. alam ng marami na mahaba ang pasensiya ko, kahit pikon ako. marunong akong magpatawad, pero hindi ko yan mapapangako pag-dating sa'yo.

sasabihin ko lang, kaya kong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa. at makakagraduate ako sa UST kahit walang tulong ng ibang tao. ang "kapal" ng mukha mo(sobrang kapal) para palabasing nanggagamit ako ng tao. kahit sa mga magulang ko ayoko nang iasa ang mga problema ko, kahit kanino hindi na ako nagsasabi, maliban na lamang sa blog na ito, tapos ipapamukha mo na nanggagamit ako ng tao para makaraos sa mga problema ko. kung ikaw nga, kapag may problema ka. doon mo lang ako nilalapitan (bukod sa may sisiraan kang tao sakin), pero hindi ka nakarinig ng kahit na anong "rejection" mula sakin. isa pa ayokong manumbat, pero kung iyon ang tingin mo sakin. uunahan na kita. bago ako maging ganon, siguro ikaw muna.

hindi ko naman pwedeng basta na lang patulan ka, una sa kadahilanang babae ka, at hindi tayo magkaantas sa lahat ng kategoriya. mabasa mo man ito o hindi. wala akong pakialam. naglabas lang ako ng nararamdaman kong "muhi" sa pinakamabuting paraan. iyon lamang.

PS: kung magpapatuloy kang ganyan, hindi na ako magtataka kung isang araw na lang, magigising kang wala ka nang kaibigan. so long.